dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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