ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
