we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
