I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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