someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Liz is crying about burritos again.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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