the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
