The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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