Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
