Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Randomize
