I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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