I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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