just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
