I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
