Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
