Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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