She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
