if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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