the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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