My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
