So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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