Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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