Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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