He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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