im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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