You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
