Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
do herpes really smell.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
