I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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