There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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