Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize