it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
