I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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