dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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