Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
