She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
