The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
