the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
