The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
dude. I can hear the air.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize