dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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