its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize