awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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