I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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