I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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