Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
