she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
