K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
