I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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