he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
