dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
