she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
