i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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