honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
