my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
