I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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