I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
