Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
