did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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