I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
