How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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