Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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