I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize