I'm lost and stupid without you.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
