Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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