I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
