Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
