in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
