You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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