Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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