I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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