After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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