I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
