even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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