Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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