Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
