You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
