even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My penis needs a shock collar
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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